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Our Beautiful Baby by Carol Graham |
A year had passed since we adopted Seth at three days
old. When the phone rang that morning, I
had no reason to suspect anything unusual.
My husband, Paul, answered; and as I watched the expression on his face
change rapidly, I did not like what I was observing. He called me over to him to share the
receiver.
“I am getting pressure from my parents to raise my son
and so I am going to have to get him back.
We are prepared to hire an attorney if we need to and you know you will
not win.” The words had been rehearsed
and seemed so easy for her to say. A
couple sentences, that's all it was -- a couple sentences that tore our hearts
out.
“I'm afraid you don't really have a choice,” our
lawyer informed us. The law was
clear. If we chose to fight it, there
would only be more pain and great expense.
“I will set it up for you so that you can return the child as soon as
possible”.
RETURN THE
CHILD as soon as possible. I screamed on the inside. I cried on the outside. No, this just can't be happening. We loved Seth. He was ours.
Again, the bottom of my world dropped out from under me. I loved him and cared for him. He was part of
our family for a whole year. I could not
imagine life without him. I was his
mommy. How could she do this to us? How could she possibly love him like we
did? What about Seth? He would be torn from his parents, his
home. Surely he would feel the rejection.
We considered all our options and realized we had no
choice – short of running away to a foreign country and hiding. He had to go back. Paul reluctantly dialed her number and made
the arrangements to meet us at the airport.
I methodically packed our son’s things; his favorite toys, his clothes,
his blankie. Tears dripped on everything as I
placed them gently into a small bag. The
hole in my heart was getting bigger by the second. I didn’t know I could hurt this much. Even past hurts had not prepared me for the pain
of relinquishing my son to someone who had not wanted him! But we had no choice. Return the child. Give him back.
I watched from a distance as Paul handed him to
her. It was in slow motion. I watched his hands leave the child as he
lifted our son into her arms. He was
handing my son to a stranger. I wanted
to run and grab him but I was glued to the floor. I felt petrified. I thought I was either going to faint or
throw up. My hand fluttered to my mouth
for a moment fearing I might scream out.
How could I go on? Where would I
get the strength? This just could not be
happening. It had to be a dream and
tomorrow I would wake up and everything would be normal again.
I could only imagine how empty Paul felt. He had loved his son deeply. We didn't speak about this much over the
years as it was just too painful. To
this day, Paul carries Seth's picture in his wallet even though we have never
seen him since the day he placed our little boy in the mother's arms.
It does not matter how you lose a child, the impact
and grief are similar. When someone says
it feels like their heart was in their throat, that is accurate. My heart became so heavy it felt like there
wasn't room in my chest cavity to hold it.
The heaviness moved to my throat and even my extremities, weakening my
entire body. I was fearful that my heart
would implode, exploding on the inside from pressure, and yet wondered if that
would bring some relief to the overwhelming state of heartbreak.
My loss consumed my thoughts. Even when I was not thinking about it
specifically, something would trigger a memory and the initial impact was felt
once again. In the months that followed,
every time I saw a new baby or watched a child playing, I would cry. I could not go down the aisle in the grocery
store that sold baby food without breaking down. Every time the telephone rang, I was hoping
it was her saying she had changed her mind.
Days turned into weeks, then months, then years. I’ll never forget our little boy.
God knows the beginning and ending and gives us the
strength to endure whatever comes our way.
Only God can heal the hurt and restore what has been stolen from
us. A few years later we adopted another
baby who has since given us three grandchildren.
Carol Graham is an award-winning author of "Battered
Hope," talk show host for her bi-weekly show “Never Ever Give Up Hope,”
international keynote speaker, jewelry store owner and a certified health
coach. Carol has five grandchildren and
has rescued over 30 dogs. Her goal is to
share hope and encouragement.
View Book Trailer for Battered Hope, Click HERE
CONNECT WITH AUTHOR CAROL GRAHAM
Here is the link to purchase Battered Hope on Amazon:
AMAZON: MEMOIR - http://amzn.to/1wEwEsN
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