“How
are the children?” I said to a friend who had just told me she’s single again.
“They’re
fine with it. They’re glad we’re not together.”
Really?
I seriously doubt that. (No, I didn’t say it.) The faces of her teenage sons
told a different story. I could only imagine their heartbreak.
Twenty
years of marriage down the drain. Another Christian couple couldn’t make it
work. I’m never shy about asking what happened.“I got tired of the arguing,” she said. “I didn’t want our children to grow up thinking this is what marriage is supposed to be like.” She didn’t mention any alarming issues such as physical abuse, addictions, or unfaithfulness.
I’m
thinking…how many people does it take to have an argument? Can’t one person who
chooses to be self-controlled keep a discussion from escalating?
My husband and I are
as opposite as two people can be, meaning we have a different perspective on
almost everything. That has led to some spirited discussions, but we’ve managed
to work through our difference of opinion. Accepting my role of submission has
proven crucial—I express my opinion, but he makes the decision.
We’ve
been happily married for fifty-one years—happier some days than others. Two
children blessed our home, added their own distinct personalities. Finding a
way for four people to live in harmony could be challenging, but we survived.
I
can tell you this: feeling disgruntled toward my husband affected my
relationship with the children. I was preoccupied, annoyed, and short-tempered.
And that’s my problem with the Lord.
No matter what my husband says or does, my responsibility is to please the
Lord. Good news! Choosing to please him affects the children as well.
A
young woman who had set her heart to divorce said friends advised her, “Don’t
stay together just for the sake of the children.”
For
heaven’s sake, why not? If that’s the only reason for giving everything you’ve
got to make the marriage work, it’s reason enough.
Every
day families are ripped in half by lies. “Divorce is the only option. Children
are flexible…they’ll adjust.”
How
it must tear a child’s heart to learn that Daddy and Mommy won’t live together
any more. Adult children who had already left home when their parents divorced
have told me it was the most heart-wrenching thing they ever experienced, and
they never got over it. Children who’ve witnessed or experienced violence in
the home may accept the reality of separation. But many children of divorce
say, “In a perfect world, my parents would still be together.”
Daily
relationship stuff can be difficult and messy. Life drains. People change. The
enemy never lets up. He suggests divorce—an easy way out to avoid dealing with a
contrary spouse. The reality is—if you have children—you’ll still have to deal
with each other. You’ll have some kind of relationship (possibly more
complicated than the present) until the children reach adulthood and independence—and
thereafter as well.
One
verse can transform a troubled marriage, if both husband and wife apply it. “Be
kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ
God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). I’ve
seen relationships improve when only one person decided to live out this basic
principle of kindness.
Why
not try putting that into practice? Consider the children.
Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio
host, and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and
award-winning I Don’t
Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for
the Maximum Life. This post is adapted from her forthcoming
book Help! I’m Stuck and I Can’t Get Out!
The Maximum Marriage Maintenance and Repair Kit. She’s a member of
Christian Authors Network, Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, and Christian
Women in Media Association. Visit www.diannebarker.com.
No comments:
Post a Comment