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Is That a Smudge of Bitterness?
Is That a Smudge of Bitterness?
By Dianne Barker
I lost patience with
my husband and spoke sharply. Now there’s an awful thing between us—bitterness.
It’s like a smudge on one of us. The smudge creates a barrier. We don’t touch…speak…make
eye contact. Both of us are hurting. I think I’m right. He thinks he is. I
won’t apologize. Neither will he. What a mess!
In the middle of such a mess, God taught me a huge truth
about the barrier between us. There is
a smudge on one of us. The smudge is on me.
The cleanser is forgiveness.
The dictionary defines forgive
“cease to feel resentment.” It doesn’t explain how.
I thought I did the forgiveness-thing as well as
anyone—until I remembered the conversation between Peter and the Lord. The
disciple asked how often he should forgive someone who offended him. Seven
times seemed reasonable. Jesus said till seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22
KJV). Some translations say seventy-seven times.
Christ expects his followers to extend unlimited forgiveness…to
live in a state of continual forgiveness.
One midnight after my family had gone to bed, I stood at the
kitchen sink washing dishes and nursing a wounded spirit.
Earlier I’d proposed an idea to my husband—that the children
and I accompany him on a trip to the Hershey, Pennsylvania, antique car show
and flea market. He and three buddies had made a reservation a year ago.
A few wives in our Model A club traveled with their husbands
and described the fun browsing shopping malls while the men trudged around the
flea market—usually in a drizzle—sifting through rusty car parts. I told James
we were going with him. He said “no.”
I didn’t try to understand his reasoning, and he didn’t
explain, probably because of my defiant tone. Later I remembered there are no motel
vacancies during car-show week. He couldn’t change plans.
I scrubbed dishes angrily, indulging in ugly thoughts about
my insensitive husband and dredging up a few old hurts as evidence of his
cruelty.
Suddenly a quiet voice spoke in my heart: you’re full of bitterness.
I didn’t know that word well, but I knew its cousins.
Resentment. Anger. Hostility.
The Lord exposed the awful condition of my heart—black as
the midnight sky—and shocking truth: the bitterness barrier is my issue…the smudge is on me.
Ephesians 4:31-32 instructs, “Let all bitterness, and wrath,
and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all
malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Harboring bitterness is disobedience. With tears I confessed
my sin to the Lord and extended forgiveness to my husband (my feelings were hurt). The smudge was gone.
A few days later I happily sent him off to Hershey. Before
returning home he made a family reservation for next year.
Forgive before bitterness leaves a smudge. How? By decision.
How many times? Until you lose count then keep on!
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| DIANNE BARKER'S AWARD WINNING BOOK |
Dianne
Barker is a conference speaker, freelance journalist, radio host,
and author of eleven books, including the 1986 best-seller Twice Pardoned. Her 2014
book, I Don’t Chase the Garbage
Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life,
won the Christian Authors Network Golden Scrolls third-place award for
non-fiction book of the year. She is a member of Advanced Writers and
Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Christian Women in Media.
This post is adapted from her forthcoming book, Help! I’m Stuck and I Can’t Get
Out! The Maximum Marriage Maintenance and Repair Kit available soon at www.diannebarker.com.
CONNECT WITH DIANNE BARKER:
Her Website www.fb.com/dianne.barker.986
PURCHASE LINKS to DIANNE BARKER'S BOOKS
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