As I watched the white ceiling tiles ﬂoat by, the medication hanging from the nearby pole taking the edge off the heaviness in my lower back, my last clear thought was I had passed this way before, Almost thirty years ago to be precise. But the person I’d Become was so different from that young woman who started her nursing career on this same orthopedic ﬂoor. Before the attack that left me physically and spiritually scarred.
At twenty-three, I’d thought my life was over. The damage done in the attack had left me with nerve damage in my right leg, causing me to drag my foot at times and leaving me in so much pain, at times, I’d begged to die. But the emotional and spiritual pain was much worse. I drew back from God. He had, after all, ‘allowed’ this to happen to me.
Now, because of the injury, I’d lost not only a career I’d spent the last four years in training to do, I was told my chances of carrying a child full term was next to impossible.
When the hospital ﬁnally released me, I left that horrible nursing ﬂoor full of rage, railing at God and any one who’d listen, confused at what the future could bring and feeling extremely vulnerable.
Fast forward twenty-eight years. Same corridor, same hospital but no where near the same person. The me of today looked forward to the possible outcome of the new surgery--the chance of having no pain, of being able to sit for longer than two minutes without popping up like a Jack in the Box, to be able to work on my next deadline at my desk instead of laid out, writing long hand in a spiral bound notebook just to get my thoughts down. So what happened to me? Why didn’t I lay down and die all those years ago when life seemed to have beaten me?
Because God changed my perception.
God never promised life would be easy; in fact, the Bible promises us it will be just the opposite(James 1: 2-4.) If we think it through, we should embrace the hard times because God is working in us, perfecting us, stretching our faith.
It took me a long time to realize that truth, ten long year to be honest. Oh, I still rant on a particularly bad day, but clinging to that truth, giving my will over to God’s makes my life so much more joyfully!
ABOUT PATTY SMITH HALL
Patty Smith Hall has been making up stories since she was knee-high to a grasshopper. Now she's happy to share her wild imagination and love of history with others, including her husband of 30 years, Danny; two gorgeous daughters, a future son-in-law and a Yorkie she spoils like a baby. Her latest release is Hearts Rekindled (Love Inspired Historical)