STEVEN'S JOURNAL--Chapter 9

It's been a number of weeks since I posted some of my brother's recovery journal from alcohol addiction. Both Steve and I pray that his sharing of his story will encourage you or someone you care about who also struggles with addiction. Stay tuned for more of his journal in the weeks to come.

I am adjusting slowly to my new life. Each day it feels a little more comfortable. I have a routine now. Up early, read my Big Book and Bible, say my daily prayers, go to my AA meeting, then doctors' appointments and take care of responsiblities.

I’m making new friends, trying to get connect and grounded. It’s important that I “hook” in as they say—surround myself with good people of like mind who are working the program. I joined a Bible study group. It’s a big step for me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, or if it was something I needed, but a gentle shove from my sister got me going. It’s a group of older gentlemen at church, and they have accepted me in to their group. They are becoming great mentors for me. Plus it’s a good way for me to continue to develop my spiritual condition. 

Alisha, my oldest daughter, has been very supportive. We are connecting in a way we never could before. It helps that I have a clear mind and I’m awake. We are spending time together as much as possible, hanging out talking, enjoying each other’s company. I’m teaching her how to drive. What a treat that is. Never could have had done that in addiction. 

Kristen, my younger daughter, still isn’t talking to me or responding to me. It breaks my heart, but all I can do is live my amends. Saying sorry or that I have changed won’t mean a thing. Only action and time with God’s help will turn Kristen’s heart towards me again. It’s taking all my self-control and patience, but I have faith that in the end it will all be worth it.

I think the more Alisha spends time with me and sees the change in me, my dedication to sobriety, and my program, she will pass thoughts along to Kristen and she will see a pattern of change and growth.

Alisha comes to church with me, so it’s nice that I can be a positive influence for her. I can’t force God or religion on her, but I can expose her to both, show how He is working in my life, and hope she makes her own choice. She has come with me to a couple of meetings, and seems genuinely proud of me, and my success. And I’m proud to have her with me, and show her my new life. It means so much to me.

I’m not dwelling on the past any more, longing for what could have been, and should have been. I’m now focused on today, this future, what can be! Life is far more positive now. I’m not sure what my future holds, but I don’t have to run from it.

I’m staying in contact with my Recovery House and the guys. It’s a little harder than I thought it would be to do to the distance. I have a small group I’m closer to, and working hard to grow those friendships. I want us all to succeed even though reality says some of us will not.

I try to go in to the Monday night meetings were all the guys from both recovery houses get together. It’s the best way to stay connect with as many guys as possible, and it’s a good way to give back, and help the new guys coming in. I won’t always have the time to do all this, so I have to make the most of my recovery time now.

So far, life is improving. It’s got a long way to go. I need to be content with where I am today. That’s all I have control over, and that’s not even guaranteed. Things will get better as long as I continue to do the work. If I want it badly enough, and with God’s grace I can and will be happy and content. One day at a time.