Christine here: Please continue to read and share with others, my brother's brave recovery over alcoholism.
ADDICTION RECOVERY MIRACLE by Steve Lindsay Chapter 7
Me and my daughter Kristen before I lost her love and respect. |
The whole reason for
going through this recovery process has been because of a total feeling of an
unsatisfying life. There was no joy, love, or contentment, only overwhelming
despair. I needed to change, to bring some source of fulfillment to my life.
The final straw that
got me here was when Kristen, my sweet, loving 15-year-old daughter, no longer
wanted me as a part of her life. I could live this most of the pain and misery
my addiction brought me, but not that!
Dear God, not that! To know I had hurt
her so deeply and become the type of father I did not want to be was just too
much.
The program promises
us life while we get better if we only try. So I have grabbed on to this whole
heartedly. I have to change or die, no in-between. In this short time I have
been in recovery house, I have seen changes in my life, actions, thoughts and
deeds. The promises are starting to take effect.
My oldest daughter,
16-year-old Alisha, is very supportive, proud of my reaching out for recovery,
and full of love. I get to go home on the weekends. Well...home...but not my
home as that no longer exists, but to my brother-in-law and sister’s home. Two
of the kindest, loving people you could ever meet. They have opened their home
and lives to me, been so supportive and understanding. My whole family as
rallied around me in love and support, and are very proud of my willingness to
change. So, it’s not my home...feels a bit awkward...but it’s safe, and it will
grow to feel like home to me in time.
My two beatiful daughters, Kristen and Alisha with my mother at my niece's wedding. |
I have friends that
love and support me, and I have a sense of belonging now. Hopes and dreams are
returning. My sister Christine keeps encouraging me in my dream to one day take
my daughters on a vacation to Disneyland. I’m hanging on to that. If Kristen
will ever forgive me.
Most of all I have my daughter
Alisha to push me forward. Kristen still isn’t talking to me or wanting
anything to do with me. That may change, or it may take many years. It also may
never change, and I’ll have to live with the results of that broken relationship
due to my former actions.
If I have any hope of
repairing that relationship, it will all hinge on me continuing to recover,
stay sober and become the man and father I so desperately want to be. I have to
be someone Kristen can respect before she can trust and eventually love me
again.
15-year-old Kristen at my niece's wedding before I lost her. |
I have faith that God
will soften her heart, just like He softened my heart to reach out for
recovery. If He can fix a wreck like me, He can do anything. Everything in His
time, not mine. Life isn’t and never will be total sunshine and ease, but it
will get better. I will get better. I will be whole to face life’s challenges
and appreciate the rewards and pleasure, for the good times and good things.
It ain’t perfect, but
way better than it was or where I was going. Life is better than death.
I will get better one
day at a time, and I will reap the rewards, savor them and appreciate them.
Rock on, the journey
continues. Trust in God, He will make it happen.
If you want to connect with Steve, here is his facebook link
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