Tuesday, April 16, 2013


Christine here: Please continue to read and share with others, my brother's brave recovery over alcoholism.

Me and my daughter Kristen before I lost her love and respect.
The whole reason for going through this recovery process has been because of a total feeling of an unsatisfying life. There was no joy, love, or contentment, only overwhelming despair. I needed to change, to bring some source of fulfillment to my life.

The final straw that got me here was when Kristen, my sweet, loving 15-year-old daughter, no longer wanted me as a part of her life. I could live this most of the pain and misery my addiction brought me, but not that! 

Dear God, not that! To know I had hurt her so deeply and become the type of father I did not want to be was just too much.

The program promises us life while we get better if we only try. So I have grabbed on to this whole heartedly. I have to change or die, no in-between. In this short time I have been in recovery house, I have seen changes in my life, actions, thoughts and deeds. The promises are starting to take effect.

My oldest daughter, 16-year-old Alisha, is very supportive, proud of my reaching out for recovery, and full of love. I get to go home on the weekends. Well...home...but not my home as that no longer exists, but to my brother-in-law and sister’s home. Two of the kindest, loving people you could ever meet. They have opened their home and lives to me, been so supportive and understanding. My whole family as rallied around me in love and support, and are very proud of my willingness to change. So, it’s not my home...feels a bit awkward...but it’s safe, and it will grow to feel like home to me in time. 
My two beatiful daughters, Kristen and Alisha with my mother at my niece's wedding.
I have friends that love and support me, and I have a sense of belonging now. Hopes and dreams are returning. My sister Christine keeps encouraging me in my dream to one day take my daughters on a vacation to Disneyland. I’m hanging on to that. If Kristen will ever forgive me.

Most of all I have my daughter Alisha to push me forward. Kristen still isn’t talking to me or wanting anything to do with me. That may change, or it may take many years. It also may never change, and I’ll have to live with the results of that broken relationship due to my former actions.

If I have any hope of repairing that relationship, it will all hinge on me continuing to recover, stay sober and become the man and father I so desperately want to be. I have to be someone Kristen can respect before she can trust and eventually love me again.

15-year-old Kristen at my niece's wedding before I lost her.
I have faith that God will soften her heart, just like He softened my heart to reach out for recovery. If He can fix a wreck like me, He can do anything. Everything in His time, not mine. Life isn’t and never will be total sunshine and ease, but it will get better. I will get better. I will be whole to face life’s challenges and appreciate the rewards and pleasure, for the good times and good things.

It ain’t perfect, but way better than it was or where I was going. Life is better than death.
I will get better one day at a time, and I will reap the rewards, savor them and appreciate them.

Rock on, the journey continues. Trust in God, He will make it happen.

If you want to connect with Steve, here is his facebook link 

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