Moving along the process here at Inner Vision Recovery House, I am gaining great insight into who I am, why I am the way I am, and who I want to be.
Addiction and alcoholism has had me in a death grip for a long time, but it is not what defines me. My actions, thoughts, and deeds are molded and shaped by those in my life. Experience has guided me in my decisions. I can blame life, others, places, and things, but the truth is I’m passing blame and responsibility.
The problems in my life, the sadness and misery are due to the decisions I have made.
Alcohol clouded my mind and made it easier to deal with poor decisions or pushed me in certain directions, but my subconscious was hard at work. Self will and selfishness was driving me for most of my life.
For me to move forward from here, to who I want to be and the life I want, I must change my attitude, actions, and thoughts. With God’s grace, His direction for me, I can transform. I want to do it myself, but I do need to participate in the process. I have wallowed in self pity, guilt and shame, all of which will be removed by taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness, finally changing how I choose to live my life from this point on.
God only wants what is best for me. He’s been waiting for me, and now all I have to do is reach for it, be open and honest, allow my in-born God-consciousness to take ove,r and I can achieve not only freedom from addiction but new life.
In the house I’m seeing guys reach that point and seeing the change in them. You can see a physical and mental change. It shows on their faces and how how they carry themselves and treat those around them. In moving forward, I know God is with me. Together we will walk this journey.
Please come along. It’s going to be an interesting ride.
And in the months ahead, I have to adjust to living outside of this warm and safe cocoon. The day is coming when my 60 days are up, and I will have to go out again into the real world, and take what I have learned. The day is coming when I will have to leave this safe place where I have learned to live again.
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