My guest today is author Kathleen Pooler who wrote a fascinating memoir on healing from emotional abuse from two abusive marriages.
Our world needs our witness—mine and yours.” Cardinal Donald Wuerl. Author of Faith That Transforms Us: Reflections on the Creed”
Our world needs our witness—mine and yours.” Cardinal Donald Wuerl. Author of Faith That Transforms Us: Reflections on the Creed”
As a” cradle Catholic”, I was born into and brought up with all
the traditions and ceremonies of the Roman Catholic faith. I have, by
conscious choice and deepening desire, remained true to these beliefs and
teachings, except for a period in my twenties when I questioned and even
rejected them.
As is often the case, my faith did not deepen until I had to
face several life-altering as well as life-threatening events. It was
then that my religion became my faith and my spirituality, the source of
comfort and meaning in my life.
Therein lies my story.
Seeds
of Faith…
My great-grandma Rose planted the seeds of faith in me.
Widowed at the age of thirty-three with seven children to support, she
lived in poverty. Somehow, she made do with her strong belief that God
would provide. She was always praying and asking me, “Katarina (my name
in Italian) you wanna’ be a nun or you wanna’ get-a married.” It made me
nervous as I figured she had some pull but my mom reassured me that if God
wanted me to be a nun, I would feel the call. I was relieved to I know I could
serve God in other ways.
But the vision of that tiny woman with her unwavering faith came
to me in whispers and glimpses throughout my entire life as
I faced my own challenges and heartaches. She is still with me when I say
my daily prayers.
Faith
is a gift given to me and nurtured in my childhood by Grandma Rose.
God
has been there for me all along…
I felt
called by God to go into nursing when I was thirteen years old. I was
sitting in my eighth grade classroom study hall, reading a book, Anne Snow, Mountain Nurse. My heart started
pounding, and I had a feeling of excitement as I read about Anne Snow riding on
horseback in the hills of Virginia to care for poor families as a Community
Health Nurse. From that moment, I knew what I wanted to do. Of course, I didn’t realize it was a calling until many years later. At
the time, I just knew it felt right.
My faith in God has guided me throughout my entire career as a
nurse and nurse practitioner. Every morning on my way to work, I prayed
that I would remain open to being God’s servant in caring for the ill or in
carrying out whatever role I happened to be in at the time- clinician,
educator, administrator. I often prayed with or over patients with their
permission. I said many silent prayers for those who were not comfortable.
I also prayed for the strength to deal with whatever I had to face- a
dying patient, a difficult family/coworker/physician, a grieving family.
Jesus
is the Divine healer and if Jesus is in me then I am a vehicle for carrying out
His work.
Let
Go and Let God…
On December 19, 1996, worsening shortness of breath and a dry
cough had precipitated an early morning trip to the emergency room. As I
was pacing near my stretcher waiting for the results of a CT scan of my chest,
realizing something serious was happening, I cried out in desperation, “Dear
God, please give me the strength to do whatever it is I need to do for this is
the battle of my life and for my life”. A peace beyond understanding flowed
over me and stayed with me throughout my eventual diagnosis of Stage 4
Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and my two-year treatment course which included
chemotherapy, radiation and a peripheral stem cell transplant. I allowed
myself to be open to accepting help from others-meals, gifts, prayers. God had
answered my plea to “do whatever I need to do” to fight the battle.
Allowing
myself to be vulnerable enabled me to accept God’s love, grace and healing.
I believe He sent me many angels in the form
of family, friends and caregivers on my healing journey.
Simultaneous
to the cancer journey was my young adult son’s spiral downward into alcoholism.
The cancer was easier to deal with than watching my son’s descent.
At least I had options for treatment for the cancer and felt some sense
of control. I had no control over my son’s choices and behavior. So I
prayed and learned to lean on God. I learned to hand my son over to God
and to let go of my need to control.
And I never, ever gave up hope that God would heal me and my
son.
Grandma
Rose echoed in my ear, “God will provide” and He did. That is the miracle of faith in my life
The
Gift of Faith…
Having
walked through these challenges has deepened my faith. Having been
through a life- threatening illness and the terrors of loving and letting go of
an alcoholic son has forced me to dig deeper to find the
treasures of my faith within. But now that I am on the
other side of these challenges, I see God every day in the people I love,
nature, all the little things in life that matter. All my challenges have
given me the gift of perspective about what really counts in life.
“Be
still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10.
God
wasn’t lounging by a bubbling brook. He was right by side on the battlefield.
ABOUT AUTHOR Kathleen Pooler
Kathleen Pooler is an author and a retired Family Nurse Practitioner whose memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, published on July 28, 2014 and work-in-progress sequel, The Edge of Hope (working title) are about how the power of hope through her faith in God helped her to transform, heal and transcend life’s obstacles and disappointments: domestic abuse, divorce, single parenting, loving and letting go of an alcoholic son, cancer and heart failure to live a life of joy and contentment. She believes that hope matters and that we are all strengthened and enlightened when we share our stories.
She lives with her
husband Wayne in eastern New York.
Twitter @kathypooler
Facebook:
Personal page,
Kathy Pooler : https://www.facebook.com/kathleen.pooler
Author page:
Kathleen Pooler/Memoir
Writer’s Journey:
https://www.facebook.com/memoirwritersjourney
One of Kathleen Pooler’s stories
“The Stone on the Shore” is published in the anthology: “The Woman I’ve Become: 37 Women Share Their Journeys From Toxic
Relationships to Self-Empowerment” by Pat LaPointe, 2012.
Another story: “Choices
and Chances” is published in the “My Gutsy Story Anthology” by Sonia Marsh, September, 2013.