Christine here: Today we conclude with Chapter 2 of Sandi Rog's battle with cancer. Be encouraged with this amazing story of victory. And please check out her amazing novels at the end of this post.
Chapter 2 of Truth is...I wanted to Die--by Sandi Rog
As I watch my mother-in-law (who is a
WONDERFUL woman, by the way; Did you know she came all the way from Holland to
help us out? She’s a HUGE blessing!), I realize she can teach my kids some
wonderful things, things that I fall short in, but she can’t be to them what I
can be, what only a mother can be.
Hmm . . . maybe I am of value?
Hmm . . . maybe I am of value?
Then I looked at my husband, he tells me
all kinds of things about why he needs me and why he would never want to
remarry if he lost me, but it wasn’t until the day he kissed me on my bald head
(when he had to help me bathe), that I realized just how much this dear man
DOES LOVE ME! That I, despite no longer (IMO, because he tells me I’m beautiful
all the time) having any outside beauty, could inspire a man to feel such a deep
passionate love that he would kiss me on my bald head . . . all I know is, I
broke down in tears when he did that. And he didn’t think twice about kissing
me there.
After that, I kept getting more prayers,
and GIFTS, TONS of gifts, even from people I didn’t know! My ENTIRE FAMILY got
gifts! And I found out my writing friends were promoting my book in ways that
it never would have gotten promoted had I remained healthy (or as healthy as
one could be with MS). Honestly, the pouring in of help and gifts has been
utterly mindboggling. None of us (including my MIL) had ever seen anything like
it.
Who were these gifts and help really from?
GOD.
God worked through all of you to show me
His LOVE, love I so desperately needed to see, to feel! Why I don’t feel
valuable is another story, one that likely involves my father, but this isn’t
about him.
Hubby keeps saying, “God must really love
you! Look at everything He’s doing for you during this time!” My MIL
(mother-in-law) has stood before us more than once with her mouth hanging open
at the outpouring of love surrounding us. We’ve all shed tears over it!
It was as if God was shouting in my face,
“YOU ARE LOVED!!!! YOU ARE VALUED!!!” And He’s continuing to SHOUT! He has put
my book in magazines, newsletters, church announcements . . . in more places
than I ever imagined it would get noticed. Not only that—SO MANY, a COUNTLESS
MANY are PRAYING FOR ME. And so many of these people have never even MET ME!
“SANDI!” I hear God shouting because I tend
to be deaf. “You are loved!”
One dear friend recently told me to ask
what God thinks of me. Ask Him what He thinks, and listen to His still, soft
voice.
He’s flooding me with His answer, bending
my trunk over with His mighty wind, tossing His waves over me and pressing
against me with such mighty passion, He can’t be ignored. I can no longer
believe that I am unworthy.
So, on the day of my fortieth birthday,
just before I blew out all those candles, I was surrounded by my giggling kids,
my smiling husband, and my happy mother-in-law (this was after spending all
night in the ER), and when I saw the joy on their faces, especially those of my
kids and husband . . .
I knew I wanted to live.
So, just before I blew out those candles, I
made my wish, only it was a prayer to my God, and . . .
For the first time, I really asked Him to
please, LET ME LIVE.
I’m sorry to disappoint or discourage with
my feelings of not wanting to be here. But I had to be honest with all of you.
It’s been a rough road. From the time I was five, I’ve wanted to escape the pain
of this world. But God has shown me the blessings, has taught me how to count
them. It’s not that I was wanting to commit suicide or anything like that. I
simply saw cancer as a way out.
So, now I’m fighting, and it’s only through
His strength that I’m able to do it. So, it’s all up to Him. I now have the WILL,
but only He has the POWER. And no matter what happens in the end, whether I
live or die, He WAS, HE IS, and ALWAYS WILL BE my GOD, MY SAVIOR, and my LIVING
LORD . . . the God and Master of ALL.
Dear Father God, forgive me for not seeing
the good you have given me! Forgive me for allowing the world to wear me down.
Forgive me for focusing on the negative. Help me to now focus on YOU, on Your
light, on Your strength.
And please dear Lord, I beg You . . . let
me LIVE.
Two years later, I’m still here. God let me
live, and it was through His apricot kernels that He did it (you can read more
about that story on my blog www.beatcancerwithb17.blogspot.com).
I’m now cancer free! God taught me my value. When I thought I was worth nothing
and that my mother-in-law would do a much better job at raising my kids than
me, He sat me down on the couch (literally) and forced me to watch my
mother-in-law struggle to raise my kids without me. I was too sick to help, too
sick to voice my opinion, too sick to do anything but just watch.
The Lord brought blessings upon blessings
from my cancer experience, and I thank Him and praise Him for teaching me that
I’m not only His precious child, but I am valuable. Gratitude fills my heart,
and I will live my live in gratefulness to Him for His precious gift of life,
both on this earth and in the next life to come.
~~
Christine here: It has been a true joy to have Sandi as my guest
these past two weeks on Monday Inspirations. Though we have not met in
person...yet...Sandi is very dear to me. I've grown to love this sweet
woman, and appreciate so much her incredible talent as an author. Please
look below and buy some of her amazing novels. I can't wait for her to
finish her next one. Blessings Sandi---I love you sis.~~
Drop by Sandi Rog's blog links sandirog.blogspot.com and her blog on beating cancer beatcancerwithb17.blogspot.com
Take a look at Sandi's awesome books that are in my group of favorites. The purchase links are below. She's a historical, adventure-epic style writer, with strong spiritual threads, and deep romance. I highly recommend all her novels.
Take a look at Sandi's awesome books that are in my group of favorites. The purchase links are below. She's a historical, adventure-epic style writer, with strong spiritual threads, and deep romance. I highly recommend all her novels.